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Music Leads The Dance Of Love AT FORTY FIVE Magazine Issue 2021 13

  • Text
  • Cooking
  • Marilyn r wilson
  • Foodies
  • Meal time
  • Apps
  • Mealime
  • Women empowerment
  • Gina best
  • Self help
  • Life balance
  • Alzheimer
  • Maria samara
  • Sue dumais
  • Music therapy
  • Leftovers
  • Author
  • Recipes
  • Challenging
  • Denim
A magazine for women 45+ who want to own aging with spirit and joy. For those of us rediscovering who we are & exploring what we want next. We want more; health, wealth, happiness, & fulfillment. Join women around the world navigating the best years yet.

Our life is a classroom

Our life is a classroom designed for our healing and for waking each of us up to be a full expression of our true Self. It is designed to trigger us, jolt us, pinch us, knock us down, empower us, and propel us into inspired action. Life is happening for us. Life is a gift that brings up to the surface all of our leftover unresolved issues, resentments, emotions, and traumas so we can look at them and heal them fully and completely. It is also designed for us to remember the truth of who we are. All of the triggers and upsets are simply blocks to love. When we process those bumps in the road we learn how to love deeply once again. The key is to embrace each one and process and heal all of them, leaving no stone unturned. Last night I watched a movie on Netflix called To the Bone. It was a story about a twentyyear-old girl with anorexia. As I watched the movie, I felt a deep connection to her daily struggles in obsessing about food and fighting her internal demons. My heart sank when everyone around her kept telling her to just eat, thinking that was the issue. Every time I heard someone say something about food, I heard myself say, “It’s not about food.” The internal workings of an eating disorder are complicated and even though food is the point of focus, it is not the root issue. As the movie continued, I was reminded of the internal workings of my own battle with anorexia and bulimia in my late teens and early twenties. I could relate so much to the story and I felt a deep empathy when the girl spiraled down in weight so much that she was close to dying. During one scene at the very 36

end, tears started pouring out of my eyes as though a faucet had been turned on. I started bawling and sobbing uncontrollably. Yes, I was crying about the movie, but I was crying about all my leftovers. I felt a raw vulnerability and a deep surrender as a layer of grief, loss, and defeat washed up through me. I remember my lowest point, physically and emotionally. I remember when I hit rock bottom and my eating disorder spiraled out of my control. I remember curling up in a ball on the floor and praying for something, someone to reach out their hand and help me out of the dark hole I had buried myself in. I had been yearning for someone to pick me up and rock me gently and tell me I was going to be okay. As I am writing this, more tears are flowing. I am reminded of the image I was upholding during that time. I was a Registered 37

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