A few sessions of sex therapy may be supportive. However, sex therapy focuses on talking not touch. develop confidence, and can verbalize this to our partners. We are learning to be comfortable with our bodies and to do that we need to be able to feel safe and slowly develop trust with each other. As trust develops between couples the willingness for creative expression and mutual expression allows each to explore the other in caring ways. When couples have been together a while and have experienced loss or life stresses together or other responsibilities in life, they may have created distance between themselves. Reuniting can be uncomfortable, and this distance requires patience and compassion for the other. A willingness to revitalize their relationship first requires that each work on balancing their energy and self-nurturing. Slowly as they begin to choose to take time with each other, a closer connection can begin. For example, walking and talking require both to listen and yet move and get somewhere. As this chosen time is given, they may begin with foot massages and back rubs allowing time just to relax and not put pressure on each other. This allows them to move past the approach-avoidance maneuver and just plan the time. This discomfort with the approach can be perceived as rejection and results in the partner avoiding approaching at all. A scheduled time together focuses on caring and attention and not rushing to intercourse. SEX THERAPY A few sessions of sex therapy may be supportive. However, sex therapy focuses on talking 34
not touch. Couples will review their health, several techniques, and be given a lot of homework focusing on communication, planned and spontaneous times to relax and verbalize foreplay, as well as permission to not have any expectations or pressure each other to go to intercourse. TEN WAYS TO PRACTICE INCREASING CONNECTION, INTIMACY, AND SEXUAL ENGAGEMENT 1. Open communication requires the element of trust and feeling safe. Not only do we have to show interest in each other as we did when we were in our 20’s, to rekindle this in our 60’s we have to learn to discover again. So ignite discovery. Being interested in hearing your partner, says you care and gives attention to the other. 2. Before we can engage willingly, we need to be aware of our own desires and our own partner’s desires. Sharing these desires in itself a turn-on and just telling each other in conversation can begin to ignite our passion for more. 3. Practicing flirting or being and feeling sexy is just that. Start the morning off well with a smile, a sexy text, a message that says I’m thinking of you. A phone call that is surprising may help to assist the evening ready for more. 4. It’s true many women want to talk to feel closer first, so talk to her and ask her to tell you everything about her day. Have a couple of council meetings once a week for both of you to hear each other and resolve issues, update schedules and show appreciation to each other. 5. Arousal levels vary for everyone just as the number of times that each wants sex varies. So, make an agreement and have regular times and spontaneous times. Average times are about 54 times in one year. In our 20’s when we are in discovery, it’s double, and yet around 60 years, it cuts in half.
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