HEALTH HAVING A Healthy Sexual Relationship by Janyse Hrynkow, MA CCC Focusing on having a healthy sexual relationship begins with learning to communicate our wants and needs to each other as our own sexuality develops. Sexuality develops over a long period of time; some say 30 years to get to the point of acceptance. We live in a man’s world that’s slowly evolving as women stand up, with rules made by men and our sexual needs as women could not be explored or talked about because we were not safe. Women still need to feel safe in a world that demonstrates predatory behavior on television, and movies instilling fear in us. Consequently, many of us have heard derogatory comments from men and women about our bodies and genital parts, and of course, 32
this affects our perception of our bodies, ourselves. When we first heard about sex, there was a rule that you didn’t talk about it, and of course, never mention the word masturbate. God help us if we get a call from our friend and she asks what you did today and you repeat: Oh, I got up fed the dog, noticed I had time to masturbate so I showered masturbated for about 30 minutes, and then got dressed and went for a walk. I tested this out and repeated this to a female neighbor about 50 years old and she felt appalled. Of course, I laughed, (as a therapist I talk about things more freely.) We need to learn how sensory parts can ground us, satisfy us also vitalize us. We also need to stop using the word stomach when we explain where a baby comes from. Hopefully, we now know! When we learn how to please ourselves we can tell our partner. Sex, Love, and Goop is a Netflix documentary that educates us on how to explore and not only relax and explore ourselves and in and out with our partner but demonstrates how to be more accepting of ourselves. Yes, it’s still about how we communicate, how we please our love, and helps us speak about our own needs. Find out whether your chosen style is Energetic, Sensory, Kink (a new definition of the unknown), or Sexual. Learning about your partner’s style helps you learn how satisfying these new ways also can be for you too. Men need to experience sex without intercourse and women need to have many options of exploratory behavior where they do not feel there is a goal and end! Another case of mindfulness, being in the present moment. The more we learn about ourselves and what turns us on, the more we increase our awareness, 33
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