7 months ago

Every Body Can LIVE WELL AT FORTY FIVE Magazine Issue 2021 15

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The magazine for women 45+ who want to own aging with spirit and joy. For those of us rediscovering who we are and exploring what we want next. And we want more; health, wealth, happiness, and fulfillment.

to uphold, a world to

to uphold, a world to save; I had no choice but to grin and bear it. I have come to realize that not everyone is going to like me and I have made peace with that. In fact, I embrace it now as a gift. I often trigger people because I am a mirror for what they need to look at within themselves. There are times I will walk into a room and some people will see me and run the other way. Some will make eye contact but pretend they don’t see me. As an intuitive healer and an empath, I can sense what is happening behind the scenes. I can sense people’s hidden pains, fears, and emotions. That can be terrifying for some people because I may be able to see what they are hiding behind the image they are upholding. They are afraid to be exposed by my x-ray vision. They are afraid that I will see the hidden skeletons in their closet. In some ways, this is true, because I can pick up on what is hidden and playing in the background. However, unless I am working specifically with a client or a group, I do my best to mind my own business. When I was younger and didn’t understand my gift, I would pick up on messages coming at me from everyone in all directions. It was exhausting for me and not helpful for others. While I do have the ability to energetically eavesdrop 12

or read behind the headlines, I choose to respect others’ privacy and honor my gift by using it with clear intentions to tune in and help when I am meant to. We are all mirrors for others and that will attract some people to us for healing, whereas others will lash out and project blame onto us to make themselves feel better. Some will run the other way because they are afraid to face their own wounds and leftovers. When I see someone withdraw and run away from me, I bless them. I send them love and see them as capable. I pray they find the individual who is meant to support them in seeing their shadows and facing their fears. I remember I am not meant to help everyone. IMAGES I UPHELD The good little girl The helper The healthy fitness guru The successful business owner The healer I lived much of my life feeling like an imposter, pretending to be one way on the outside and feeling another way on the inside. When I first started my career as a fitness instructor I was suffering from anorexia and bulimia. I would teach others about how to eat healthily and be fit, yet I was barely eating any food and obsessively weighing myself several times a day. I felt like a fraud but I convinced myself that I was helping others, so it was okay. Through the imposter syndrome, the pinnacle of self-judgment, we live one way, upholding an image in the world, but we feel a different way on the inside, behind the scenes when no one is looking. We feel like a fraud and as long as we uphold an image that we can’t live up to or we don’t reach out for help, we will continue to feel trapped. To this day, my ego-mind continues to try and create new images to uphold, by convincing me I need to live up to the expectations of the world. Sometimes it catches me off guard and I go along for the ride until I realize what is happening and I make a choice to surrender once again. Every morning, I wake 13

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